A Confession and a Pledge

I need to set things right before diving into writing this blog. I confess I have been a bad person in the past four years and have failed to uphold my beliefs. Let me tell you a bit about how this came about so that other people in similar situations can avoid becoming corrupt like I have.

It all started in high school when I started becoming extremely socially and environmentally conscious. I was on my way to becoming a role model of how to life live in harmony with the environment, and was actively educating others on how to achieve a smaller ecological footprint.

But my view of everything as temporary interfered with this. I started thinking about how life would be much better if we did not irresponsibly use fossil fuels to excess. Realizing that the masses are not going to reduce their consumption and invest in renewable resources unless the price of fossil fuels are to increase, I found an inherent joy in burning as much fossil fuels as I can because with each gram of fossil fuel gone from the face of this earth, the closer we are to a fossil fuel free world where people would rely on renewable resources. This was not so bad at first. For example one of the things that changed for me was instead of using only a trickle of cold water to wash my hands in public washrooms, I used warm water instead. However, things changed dramatically during my second year in university in the United States.

By this time, the initial culture shock of moving to the US from Canada had passed. I am still astounded by how unbelievably different American culture is from Canadian culture, but am no longer surprised when I hear racist jokes or see people act in their own self-interest without regard for others. However, the shock of seeing the US bring down the Kyoto Protocol because of "possible economic disadvantages" really, really got to me. I was mad. Really, I was steaming. I am still mad to this day. Combined with seeing the degree of how people in the US, including some of my best friends, seem oblivious to others and their needs, I because extremely angry at American society. Of course, it is possible that what I am angered by is common to all cultures, not just American culture, but I was blinded by my anger during that time, and this was the first time I saw what life was truly like after emerging from the protective environment of high school. At first, I was able to limit my anger to the government. Bad reputations that a country acquires are caused by bad policies made by the government. People in all cultures are generally nice. When self-serving governments come into power, the way they lead people can set bad examples and make people behave in offensive ways even when they do not realize it. One just needs to set a good example to make everything good again.

But I failed. I let my anger get to me. My anger spun out of control as I had never felt so betrayed by a society I was trying to become a part of. How can anyone decide to not spend money to make the world a better place when they have so much money? I was most angry at the hypocrisy of the American government, or at least the American government under the Bush regime. They pretend they do what's best for the world, but really just acts in self-interest. I thought I would show the American government that it was wrong to act with such utter disregard to the environment, and by extension, to the people of the world. I started leaving lights on when I left a room, I left the water on when I was brushing my teeth, I even opened doors a little wider than what I needed to slip out so cold air would get into buildings during the winter. And since New York State still uses barbaric coal power plants to supply a good portion of its electricity needs, I was happy I could burn off more fossil fuels, and by using up more resources, show the government that there would be consequences of being so arrogant.

Recently, I have begun snapping out of this madness. I have done many wasteful things that has made me into a coward as I am extremely ashamed and embarrassed about how wasteful I have become. I made the wretched decision of fighting evil with more evil. And eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. This is not how things should be. By the time I realized what I was doing, it was too late, hate had taken over me. It is only recently with much effort that I have managed to take back some control, but I am still fighting an internal battle. I realized that it is just so easy and feels so relieving to be destructive, but it is utterly morally wrong. Although I am sure that there are many people who are just as, if not more destructive to the environment than I am in their everyday lives (not turning off lights, taking baths instead of showers when they feel like it, using dishwashers instead of hand washing in a bowl of water, not composting, etc...) it was the intension to waste that makes what I had done worse.

This brings me to my pledge. I pledge that I will never again be driven to action by anger. I will work harder to see other points of view and causes for actions that I may interpret as arrogant, ignorant, or self-serving (as these are the actions that cause me to feel anger). I will try my best to show others how to do the same and how to think for themselves. Hatred is often the result of conflicts, and conflicts are very often the result of misunderstandings that can be solved with communications and voicing your opinions. Only when we all act free of anger and in goodwill will we achieve a harmonious society. I also realize that facing your angers, fears, and deep-rooted preconceptions is very hard to do. People do not like to admit they are wrong and when they make an enemy, it is very difficult to rectify that by taking the first step and treating them as you would your best friends. In facing my anger problem, I realized that it takes a nearly unimaginably great person to purge oneself of all ill feelings toward others. My pledge is that I will try my best to achieve that goal and try to help others reduce the anger in their lives as well. I cannot promise I will achieve that goal, but I will wholeheartedly work toward it.