Becoming a Cosmopolite

Ever since I was small, I was fascinated by the idea of being a cosmopolite, a citizen of the world who feels equally at home in any place. I had always admired cosmopolites for their open-mindedness and and their freedom. However, I was never able to conceive of how I can tear myself away from my upbringing and history, as having an affinity for the culture and place that one was raised seemed to me a fundamental and invariable human trait. I had never been able to conceive of myself permanently moving away from Canada, where I spent the formative years of my life. I felt that I belonged in Canada and that I fit in there somehow.

However, the events of the past two years of my life has fundamentally changed my view on the world down to its foundations, and I feel that in the recent months, I am starting to emerge from a chaotic transitional period of my life that was without direction or joy. I feel that I am experiencing something of a rebirth through which all of my views on the world has changed, yet my basic principles have remained surprisingly intact. Among one of the powerful changes is that I feel I am becoming a cosmopolite, which I only now realize have both good and bad sides to it. One one hand, I feel amazingly free, much more so than before, as I am now completely at ease with the idea of living in and settling permanently in any country now. One the other hand, I feel emptier than before, as one of my support columns, home and the sense that I belong somewhere, has been ripped out quite suddenly, leaving a painful vacuum, which is still healing.

It all started two years ago just before graduating from university. That year, I discovered my passion for travelling and over two trips, spent a quarter of my year in and around Europe, wandering around and learning about different cultures and admiring how Islamic and Christian cultures intermixed near the boundaries. It was then when I realized how similar everyone really is, and how everyone in the world influences everyone else to a degree that had never occurred to me before. This kicked off an intense interest in learning about all foreign cultures which is still with me as strong as ever. The more I learn about the world and the others that we share it with, the more I realize we are all the same and see the folly and idiocy behind cultural and political boundaries, disputes, and bigotry.

At the same time, there has been many changes in my family as well. With the passing of my grandfather in Beijing, who has been one of the people that has made the most impact in my life, and me being hit by a car while cycling, I have developed a sense of impermanence, that everything is always changing, often in unforeseen ways. I have come to realize that we cannot spend all of our lives clinging to what we are afraid of losing, as that will cause us to miss out on the truly unique and rewarding moments in life.

The final series of events that catalyzed my sudden transformation into a cosmopolite happened over the past few months. My father lost his job in the economic downturn of 2008-2009. This was not unforeseen as my dad was the head of the research and development department of a major parts manufacturer in the auto industry, which was decimated by the downturn. Of course, when the company decided to cut costs, it would naturally let go of the most expensive people to keep around in the departments that show the lowest short-term returns on investment. In fact, this was foreshadowed a year ago, when my parents visited me in San Francisco. At that time, my parents and I each had a job, and my mom had commented that we should enjoy our time together, as that may have been the high point of our family's financial stability.

Because of the recent changes, my parents have sold the house and are planning on moving back to China to search for new career opportunities for my father, which came as a complete shock to me. At nearly the same time, my cousin and her husband, who have recently moved to Los Angeles from Vancouver, announced that they were moving to the UK, although under the much better circumstances of having somehow obtained a desierable teaching position at Oxford University . All of a sudden, I am the only member of my family who is still planning on being in North America in the forseeable future, the continent which contains what I had previously considered my solid and forever unchanging home country and emotional base.

Things are still changing now, as my new perspective on the world is slowing emerging from the experiences and changes I have been through in the past two years. One thing that seems certain is that along with the other dramatic changes in my views, I will emerge from this chaotic period as a true cosmopolite who has lived in three countries and have visited twenty-nine sovereign nations, all of which I have learned to love. I will love and celebrate all people, cultures, and places in the whole world as my home, yet no one place will truly be home for me anymore.